It’s been three months now since we arrived back in the states. I can’t believe it’s only been three months! Such is the case when your new path looks nothing like your old path and there are no visual reminders or remnants to keep you connected. And yet I think about New Zealand nearly every day. Random tid-bits- people I met, the scenery, the differences, the lessons learned. I miss the hot meat pies, seeing people barefoot in public, having a beach walk at my fingertips, my NZ friends… Was it merely just excitingly different or is there something unique about New Zealand that connects to me on a deeper level? Or do all such experiences stay with you in that way? I wish I could combine the best of both worlds I’ve lived in. Maybe the fact that I am currently fostering 5 kittens says something about the void I’m feeling. 🤔

I’m happy to say there has been no real drama since we’ve been back. After Maria was in the hospital for dehydration from the illness in route, it has been quiet. Well, as quiet as can be with three kids in school and all the juggling. And with the quiet and perhaps a parting gift from our introspective experience in NZ, I feel more keenly aware of my own feelings and thought patterns.

The things I have become aware of aren’t monumental, just little things. For instance, the different thoughts that come with owning a home versus renting. I love gardening and creating a home environment unique to my tastes and our family. But in NZ I knew that would be a waste of time which allowed me to focus on other things. But now we are back and I find myself pulled towards home improvement and gardening. Although I love it and it is fulfilling in so many ways, I can see how even good things can have their down-side.

Maybe that is the biggest effect this trip has had on us. When you are removed from your usual habits, routines, interactions for long enough, I think your brain gets re-circuited.  And when you return to those routines, you recognize old thoughts and feelings but in a new light. Like they aren’t so fixed and necessary. And you realize that you CAN change, it is totally possible. You are no longer stuck or fixed to always feeling a certain way. I hope this stays with me.

And yet I also realize how easy it is to slip back into old habits. We enjoyed the schedule that had more down time in NZ. There were less activity options at least that we were aware of. So it wasn’t that I got good at saying no, I just had less things to say yes to which is probably why we are quite busy again. But I am more aware of how the busyness affects me and how much I don’t like feeling frazzled from non-stop engagements. So I am working on saying no.

Somehow the combination of changes in our routines and seeking new experiences together, changed Danny and I’s relationship. We got a reprieve from some of our usual interpersonal triggers and now recognize the annoying power these triggers can have over our thought patterns. I am hoping we can continue to harness our experience, like a unique tool for identifying root causes of negative thoughts or feelings. When we realize a problem is emerging or remerging that wasn’t a problem in New Zealand, we can analyze it in a new light. We can ask, why wasn’t this a problem there but is a problem here?

Prior to NZ, I was homeschooling the girls and now all the kids are back in school. Charles and Audrey are attending our neighborhood Catholic school that has been a staple in our lives since we’ve lived here. With Maria, we are trying something new. She has started at the Waldorf School where the atmosphere is much more relaxed (e.g. minimal testing, no homework, classes in “practical arts”). Choosing that school was probably in large part to our experience of the elementary school in New Zealand. That is, how little academic pressure our kids felt and how much more holistic it seemed. And given what a positive experience it was, I’m hoping Waldorf will be the same.

Thus marks the end of this chapter of our life. I’ve enjoyed writing and sharing my thoughts with anyone willing to listen. Danny shared this quote with me while in NZ and it stuck with me. Kurt Vonnegut, a famous author, replied to a letter written by a group of high school students with these words…

“Practice any art . . . no matter how well or badly, not to get money and fame, but to experience becoming, to find out what’s inside you, to make your soul grow.”

— Kurt Vonnegut